jasz's bloG...

sensitive

2012-01-19T10:54:00.002+08:00

it is tt time of the year where we get paid our vb.. payout was a little lower than my expectations but still ok..

some pple got promoted n some received less than average payout..

some happy, some pissed.. so how do u deal w this situation? i m stuck in the middle..

seriously, she definitely deserved more than wat she got.. kinda makes me feel if it is really worth putting in so much effort... will i end up like her? i m sure she feels cheated.. :(

mixed feelings..

2012-01-02T19:21:00.002+08:00

7 more days...

having mixed feelings.. feeling a bit scared, a little excited and also hope it faster ends so i can share my experience with my friends and family over the CNY period..

:|

bah..

2011-12-25T22:45:00.002+08:00

things that happened yesterday that irritated me..

1. was at bbq at my friend's place and when she realised she forgot to pack certain items, she looked at me and said, why didn't i reminded her about it?

2. someone commented that i had money.. i was rich.. it's meant to be a joke but i didn't find it funny..

3. my friend, for the umpteen time, called me by a nickname which she created for me and which i have told her many times before, that i absolutely HATE that nickname..

4. felt sick again and i think it's cos of the virus at home when SOMEBODY coughs without covering his mouth with a tissue/ hanky/ whatever..

so do i have the right to be pissed off?

1. seriously, why do i need to REMIND her to bring certain things for the bbq? this is the third bbq at her house! so is it my fault that she forgot to pack certain things? and she didn't say it in a joking manner.. i really felt like screaming at her when she said that..

2. so since i was the only one who brought the wallet to the pit area (the rest left theirs at my friend's house), i passed my wallet to her so she could buy the things she forgot to pack along.. and 2 things.. first, when she came back, she didn't even have the courtesy to tell me how much she spent.. then when i sms her today, she said she left the receipt in my wallet.. duh~ second, i said someone commented that i was rich right? being generous DOES NOT mean someone is RICH.. similarly, being STINGY DOES NOT MEAN someone is POOR.. asshole.. i HATE IT when pple say all i have is money.. IDIOT!

3. i have specifically told this friend of mine that i hate to be called by that name.. MANY TIMES.. but she still does it! WHY? HOW THE HELL I KNOW! why do people like to irritate the hell out of me? and i told her VERY SERIOUSLY that it really gets on my nerves and ask her to STOP calling me by that name.. just because she finds the name ok DOES NOT MEAN I DO TOO! blooDY iDIOT.

4. just because i'm younger than you doesn't mean i am less sensible than you.. sometimes people should stop being so stubborn and take a look at themselves.. think over their actions and stop being so unreasonable to others..

sometimes i really wonder if i have any true friends at all.. it's such a sick world out there..

:(

2011-12-01T14:09:00.000+08:00

feeling down..

为什么

2011-11-23T23:04:00.002+08:00

为什么觉得好像被欺骗的感觉？

为什么常常有这种感觉？

问题出现在我的身上吗？

为什么人总是不能真诚的对待别人？

是我太天真了吗？还是问题真的出现在我的身上？？

我好累。。。每次要求的太多。。。得到的总是是失望。。。

i need to breathe

2011-11-17T19:22:00.003+08:00

BAD DAY!

first, i think somehow or other, the water from my water bottle spilled out.. and my WHOLE bag was like a river.. i didn't even realise it until i get up from my seat in the bus and my left front thigh was WET. doesn't help that i was wearing a light coloured pants so the wet mark was REALLY obvious!!! my bag was a little water resistance so the water in the bag wasn't really dripping so i faster headed to my office's gym's toilet cos got hair dryer there.. i emptied my bag and pour out at least half a cup of water!! seriously, almost my entire water bottled was emptied!!! irritating shit man..

and today's probably the busiest day in my work life.. SUPER BUSY.. running here and there to test stuff.. researching info for one of my bosses who is going overseas next week.. it was madness.. and stupid client!! i'm beginning to dislike him.. seriously.. it's getting a bit too much!

went back slightly late today.. and i thought i secured the plastic box tightly.. placed it in my bag.. and when i came home, the liquid from the inside the box actually leaked out!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN SUAY LOH!!! WAH PIANGZ! TWICE! somemore the liquid this time was sweet liquid.. from my agar agar.. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. can't believe it.. stupid duper IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i haven't been sleeping well recently.. when i go to bed early, i end up waking up at about midnight.. else, i wake up before my alarm rings.. i don't feel dead at work cos i'm occupied.. but still.. i'm still VERY worried about my event on tues.. first, we were worried about too few people signing up.. and now, we have overwhelming response!!! more than capacity.. can only hope that some of them don't turn up.. fingers, legs crossed.. ARGH.. the more i think of this.. the more i'm irritated with the other side.. really eating me up!

hope i can sleep well tonight..

ok.. finally a light-hearted post..

2011-11-08T20:31:00.002+08:00

met up with the folks from the other side this afternoon.. they came over to recce the event venue..

i have been communicating with 3 folks out of whom i have only met one.. so today, i saw the WHOLE BUNCH (their entire team > 3 pax!) and turns out the main person who i have been communicating with is pretty cute! wawhWHahhahahAhahhaa.. siao... haha..

the rest of the folks cannot make it lah... all too uncle.. but this one person is pretty young.. carries himself well.. has v nice eyes, high nose bridge, sharp nose.. haha.. okokokok.. i'll stop describing him.. in short, he's the "can-see" kind.. well, i guess good-looking and well-mannered people are really nice to work with.. haha.. :)

that aside, i hope the event goes through smoothly.. fingers and toes crossed.. so many things to take note.. i hope i dun miss out any details.. :P

i DETEST him!

2011-11-05T21:37:00.003+08:00

oh great.. just heard from my colleague that next year's a bad year for DoGz.. :\

i got the STUPID project to execute next june which i STUPIDLY got involved in.. plus.. i just hope the relationship between my boss and i don't sour..

expecting at least 2 new colleagues next year.. hope they are nice people to work with..

God help me..

i feel...

2011-10-31T22:52:00.001+08:00

like QUITTING my job!!

can't believe why people get paid doing NOTHING!

:(

2011-10-27T11:13:00.002+08:00

tired...

going to see a specialist for my knee next wk cos gp has no knowledge in the area.. the clicking sound is really worrying me.. and i dunno if it is because of this that i m feeling super sian..

i am hving this uncomfortable feeling.. like headache but it is not exactly headache cos it is not pain..

something at work is making me uneasy too.. i dun understand why my boss put me in charge of something so big which i hv little n close to zero experience in.. he doesn't guide me.. only when i post a qn does he say something.. but what if i din ask something which i should which i din know i shd ask?

recently my uncle asks how my work was n when i told him i doing a lot of stuff thrown at me.. he said it is good cos i got to learn new things. but i dun.. cos nobody guides me along the way n sometimes i dun even know if what i am doing is right or wrong..

so sick of everything..

so qiao?

2011-10-23T13:28:00.002+08:00

and i thought it'll be the last time i see him..

saw him at the market this morning.. i'm quite sure he saw me too but he looked away quite naturally which probably means he didn't recognise me..

could it be he's still staying with his parents in the area or has he bought a flat there?

i didn't call him.. cos i already felt i made a fool of myself that time..

and just yesterday, i met one of my ex-colleague.. she and her bf moved to somewhere near my neighbourhood.. really so qiao.. but i'm not really on the same freq as her? we don't hv common topic.. frankly speaking, i wouldn't call her if i see her on the streets...

i think the biggest problem with me is that i avoid situations when i'm uncomfortable with it.. i know there's no escaping everything but i can't help it.. sometimes i just wish i can fast forward my life.. grow up faster.. grow old.. and just die peacefully.. then i dun need to face the world any more..

either that, or will someone just give me a life manual?

:\

2011-10-18T21:09:00.003+08:00

for some reason.. my boss and i just cannot click.. well.. that's not the main point.. the worse thing is that he's bias.. which makes things so much worse and makes me feel miserable.. he doesn't bother about the things i do.. doesn't pay attention to what i'm doing.. and probably doesn't even know the troubles i face at work.. i tried highlighting my obstacles faced but he don't even bother to escalate.. feeling v de-motivated.. seriously.. what's wrong?!?!?!?!?!

just like this other guy in my office.. we have been introduced to each other before.. but when we see each other, he just ignores me totally, black face.. and when i'm walking with someone else, he just smiles that the person next to me and again, ignores me totally.. and let me tell u, he is the chao ah beng kind.. and is UGLY chao ah beng.. so wth, i can't be bothered with him.. just find he is SUPER DUPER DAMN RUDE! and when i call him to ask him about work.. he sounds so reluctant.. i cldn't take it the other day and asked one of my colleagues who this guy alwiz teases.. i asked him, did he tried applying for my position and failed to get it? 'cause that was the only reason i could think of him being upset with me.. (even then it's not my fault).. and my colleague said no.. so seriously! what's wrong man? i don't see how i can offend him 'cause he's already like that before i asked him about work.. and before that, i don't really talk to him at all.. as i said, when we see each other, i just tried to smile but he thinks he's somebody and just treat me as transparent.. goSh.. *rolls eyes*

sounds all bad but there are really nice people around.. just so happen i see extremes.. and can't understand why the EVIL people behave like they do.. idiots!

ARGH!

2011-10-02T21:33:00.003+08:00

I wanna slap myself real hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i alwiz contradict myself so much that i'm ashamed of it!!

i a huge mess..

i need to learn to ask more qns.. and talk less..

i'm such a turn-offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff...

bleah..

mood swing?

2011-09-25T00:13:00.005+08:00

went to a bb shower today.. though there were a group of us, for some reason, i felt out of place.. everyone either had their husband with them or they just simply blend in.. by blending in, i mean playing with another one of my friends' bb.. not bored.. shared common topic.. somehow, i just felt, well, bored.. i have another bb shower to attend next sat and already i can feel i'll be more comfortable with the crowd there.. this is strange cos i actually feel closer to people whom i know for say 5 years as compared to people whom i know since more than 15 years ago.. hv i changed? or have they changed? both perhaps.. but the more i think about it, the "sadder" the picture is.. i guess this is what they mean by as one grow older, one have lesser and lesser friends.. probably we each hv different interests.. and nobody really talks about work.. even if we did, we didn't really understand (or bother to understand) what each of us were doing.. unless for some who works in the same industry.. their lives seem so colorful and fulfilling.. they're all successful in their career.. even those who hate their jobs are earning a respectable salary.. they are able to spend without having to think much..

one of them "congratulated" me on having "upgraded" my phone to a touch-screen one.. it sounded damn sarcastic.. but knowing her personality, she was just being direct.. i'm not offended by what she said though i can't help but being slightly affected.. then again, that's just my character.. prob overly-sensitive..

to be honest, i was really looking fwd to today but now that it has passed, i'm just glad it's over..

...

2011-09-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

troubled...

bottled up...

drifting away...

is something wrong with me?

why?

what's happening?

:(

another reflection on life...

2011-08-14T20:11:00.002+08:00

dad's friend's wife kena cancer.. she went through treatment and was thought to have recovered but unfortunately, they found that the cancer spread.. this time.. if i'm not wrong, it kena the brain... from months, to weeks.. now she only has days to live.. it's v sad.. i overheard dad saying that his friend usually turn off the phone at night.. but ever since the wife was admitted, his phone is on 24/7.. in case the hospital calls up.. :( i'm not close to the family.. but hearing things like that just make me sad.. then i see people around me, taking others for granted.. it's just so............... *shakes head*

i mean, i can dun bother about others, but i dunno why it just gets to me.. is it the life here? or just the people around me? or is the entire world like that? i dun expect one to be 100% grateful to everything and everyone.. i believe a normal human being is unable to achieve that.. people get angry, frustrated, irritated over matters.. i just need to learn to 看开一点...

***

i dread going to work tmr.. to think i thought i will here for life.. something has to change.. i hope my boss change for the better.. be it a change in character or change in person..

i hope G can be less bossy.. i "willingly" helped her and now i'm in her project.. sometimes she tries to help me.. but at times, she is crossing the line.. it's as if i'm useless and she doesn't take what i say seriously.. i need to be more patient with her.. (RECALL: one of my 2011 resolution - maintain my calm when dealing with irritating people!!)

***

before i started work, my parents used to bring me travelling.. i dun expect that as a norm neither do i take it for granted.. sometimes when i just wanna share my travel experience with my colleagues, i think twice.. just the other day, a colleague of mine told me she's going korea with her daughter.. so i shared a bit about this place of interest there.. then she and another colleague started commenting how lucky i was.. said that they hardly have a chance to travel when they were young.. (their parents don't bring them travelling).. one even said whenever she had to travel, it was being forced (family issues).. so anyway, it made me feel that i said something wrong.. i felt so awkward, i just shut up later.. sometimes, i feel that i can't say anything.. they can share their experiences but once i start to say mine, nobody is interested to listen.. it becomes kind of a one-way communication.. i mean, i'm quite happy with who they are but at times, i really feel like they dun treat me seriously..

***

last year was the most miserable year in my life.. this year has been good so far.. but pple around me.. i see them experiencing unhappiness.. which is kinda sad cos it indirectly affects me..

i'm feeling miserable now..

apples

2011-08-07T23:11:00.002+08:00

a basket of 4 apples out of which one is rotten..

i should probably just throw that rotten one away and keep the basket with the rest of the 3 apples still in it..

why should i let her spoil my friendship with the rest of the girls :)

i enjoyed the gathering last night!

i still miss you...

2011-08-07T23:05:00.002+08:00

당신이 너무보고싶어요...

용하오빠, 사랑해 :(

confused...

2011-07-31T21:29:00.003+08:00

one of my colleagues kena food poisoning.. it's quite bad.. she even admitted herself to the hospital and was put on drip.. personally, i feel i'm not that close to her.. i treat her more of a colleague rather than a friend.. But anyway, the thing is, she kind of keep giving me update of her status.. On thurs she sms me to tell me she's on mc for one n a half days (which is fine).. Then sms me again dunno thurs night or fri morning that she cfm cannot come to work (which is also fine).. and yesterday (sat) she sms me to tell me tt she's going to hospital cos she's feeling terrible.. and told me she might be on mc on mon and asked me to access her comp to print out some notes for a meeting scheduled on mon.. And juz now, she called me and updated me on her health status.. I dun mean to be rude but xu yao ma?? I put myself in her shoes, and i felt that i wldn't bother my colleagues on wkend.. The MOST i'll drop an sms on sun evening if i was sure i can't make it to office the next day.. I dun see the pt of daily updating my health status over the weekend cos i find tt i wld be interrupting in his/her personal life..

Sorry to say, but i think she's being selfish.. Maybe it's after tt incident tt makes me more weary of her.. Dun find her tt considerate to others.. kinda self-centered..

the world i'm living in, is being 'corrupted' by evil.. It's so sickening that i have to keep trying to watch out for myself fm others.. Why can't everybody juz be nice?

I'm getting impatient too.. so hard to live a simple life...

:\

2011-07-13T22:04:00.002+08:00

the higher u go, the more responsibilities u have and the more challenges u face..

i chose my path.. i didn't want to manage pple so i quit my job and now am at my level.. then today one colleague confided in me.. apparently she isn't happy that boss is going to hire a manager to manage her.. long story.. all i can say is, the bosses screwed everything up in the first place and she is sway cos her timing is bad.. the thing is.. she is ambitious.. she's the only colleague i told that i was AM and now am an Exec... and she frowned when she heard that.. so i know she is the ambitious kind.. and true enough.. she is the same level as me but felt that she ought to be promoted to Manager level after this huge project.. i dun disagree with her.. ultimately she IS capable.. but i can't say i totally am with her for what she say.. let's just leave that as it is..

sometimes i wonder, am i taking things too easy? should i be more competitive and more ambitious? but then, i chose this path didn't i?

pple confide in me... they complain to me about their job, life, etc.. i used to listen and dish out advice even though sometimes i never been through what they went through.. they used to listen to me (or at least i thought so) but now, it seems that they just want a listening ear.. which makes me feel awkward cos sometimes i really don't know what to respond.. should i agree with u? should i disagree with u? will u get pissed off if i disagree with u? will u listen if i reason things out with u? funny thing is sometimes i'm being asked for advice but the other party just seem to ask for fun... if u can't take advice, don't ask for it.. u can't expect pple to alwiz side with u.. and when they don't, it doesn't mean they hate u.. sometimes i'm just being reasonable but am being treated unreasonably... go figure..

i'm kinda affected by that conversation.. am i having too low expectations of myself? i know i have potential.. but i'm just shying away from it.. i don't know why...

can't believe it..

2011-06-28T08:50:00.002+08:00

we really r not fated..

saw the news this morning.. Super sian now.. i guess it was only a matter of time since it has been 4 years already..

Maybe i shd juz give up.. Alwiz end up in disappointment.. :(

it's official..

2011-06-26T21:54:00.000+08:00

i put on all the weight i lost...

DAMN IT.

LS

2011-06-23T21:37:00.003+08:00

LS-ed for ~3 days and in total, i lost 4 kilos.. pretty scary if u think about it..

i just weighed myself and today, i already put on ~2 kilos.. so as of now, i lost only 2 kilos.. i hope i dun gain any more weight..

i exercised like shit got how many months and i dun lose anything.. haha.. amazing ya.. so if u wanna lose weight.. go LS!!

so torturous! LS and vomit i must add but the main culprit is LS.. now i know how much "water" i have inside me.. i was thinking, if i LS for 5 times a year, losing 4 kilos each time.. i would lose a total of 20 kgs a year.. let's say this just happen for a year and i would gain my ideal weight!! woOOhOoOO.. but will be a tad too skinny though.. let's say lose 15kg... i'll be more than happy :D

food poisoning

2011-06-20T19:47:00.002+08:00

feeling pukey n hving diahorrea.. My stool is juz like urine.. All liquid.. i've lost count of the number of times i've headed to the toilet.. Doc didn't give me puke medicine.. Juz diahorrea one.. According to him, the charcoal will help clear the toxic in my stomach.. Well.. I dun really know if it's working cos i'm still hving diahorrea n i'm still feeling pukey..

It must be the bloody oyster kim chi i had for dinner yesterday.. Even the thot of it now makes me feel nausea.. I'm staying away fm the asian food channel n food network asia channel these days cos the sight of food makes me wanna puke.. I'm not kidding..it's THAT bad.. as if i'm pregnant..

Juz went toilet again.. i feel so dead...

to post or not to post...

2011-06-16T22:51:00.000+08:00

i should probably keep my thoughts to myself..

:)

2011-06-14T09:50:00.002+08:00

in a pretty good mood today..

juz now got a guy even offered his help when he saw me carrying 14 bottles of water.. so nice right?? i only meet such pple once in a blue moon.. Somemore i didn't know him though i remembered we entered the company on the same day.. But after tt, we didn't see each other anymore cos we're located in different parts of the building.. Anyway, good to know there r helpful pple around!

:)

2011-06-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

我们有缘再相见吧...

i hate beauty salons..

2011-06-05T17:02:00.002+08:00

cos the staff are never sincere.. and i hate lying on the "ironing board" (the bed).. so uncomfortable.. went to perm my lashes today.. lady today didn't perm properly.. the lashes at the inner corner of my one eye wasn't permed.. she said it might be becos the lashes there were too short.. but it's pretty obvious so i asked her to re-do it when she offered.. she said she'll re-do that part and it'll take about another 20 mins.. guess what? she RE-DID everything!! and she didn't say anything until i asked her.. that's when she replied (rather irritatedly) that she re-did both sides else one side will be less qiao than the other if she only did one side.. all nonsense.. she should hv told me jus now! and the thing is.. she took at least 40 mins more (rather than 20 mins).. wah lau.. if i knew she was going to re-DO the entIRE process, i wouldn't have went ahead with it.. it's so damaging! to make things worse.. i felt her skills weren't that good.. many times i felt she tugged a little too hard.. anyway, now i feel my lashes look a little disgusting.. must wait for a while before it looks nicer i guess.. and i think my lashes are super dry now.. hate it..

when i was younger, i went facial and the therapist completely destroyed my face.. my swelling didn't go down and for the first time in my life.. i had an extremely bad outbreak.. so bad that everyone keep asking me about it..

*****

friend's wedding next sun.. first wedding to attend this year.. prob the only one too.. got asked to be jie mei which i'm honoured.. but this is like the fourth time already.. i thought i hear pple say u can be a jie mei like max 3 times.. else u won't get married.. also dunno to be happy or to be sad like that.. happy cos so far those who asked me are really my closer friends.. so i'm glad to have them.. but sad cos.. dunno the myth true or not.. anyway, i'm also getting older.. most of my friends around me are either married or single (and unattached).. so i guess it won't be too soon before i attend a friend's wedding..

thinking of doing a temp perm on my hair before the dinner but dun think i got the time...

phew!

2011-05-24T21:36:00.002+08:00

okokokokokokokokok.. i just wanted to say IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and guess WHAT??? everything went smoothly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yippee!!! THANK GOD!!!

boss sent out thank you email to those involved.. my colleague didn't really feel anything from that email.. in fact, she said that she hopes my boss truly appreciates and recognises my effort in this event as she felt that i contributed the most.. wah lauz.. i almost cried when she told me that.. i seriously felt v touched! but anyway, my reply to her was that i'll be just satisfied if my boss "repaid" me by giving me his approvals.. haha.. and guess what again? he finally sent me something he owed me since march/april!!! though not fully.. he didn't clarify with his boss about something i asked him weeks ago.. he FORGOTTEN.. ok fine.. whatever.. i'm just trying to take things A LITTLE easy here..

random thought of the moment: it's raining!!!

it'll be over soon..

2011-05-22T21:57:00.002+08:00

just 15 more hours.. and the event will be over..

hope all goes well tomorrow..

hope i wake up on time and reach office early...

hope the girls put in the signages correctly..

hope kk doesn't screw up...

hope the video and microphones play well..

hope no problem with parking...

why do i alwiz kena all these shit!!

misc..

2011-05-19T22:17:00.002+08:00

got some unknown caller from india today.. definitely wrong number.. but not the first time i got a wrong number from that country.. strange..

*****

i'm becoming a bloody event organizer! irritating shit.. i'm even dreamt of the stupid event last night! and my event is on monday! actually i dun think i'm dreaming of it.. just that it's subconsciously in my mind! woke up at about 1plus AM, drank a class a water, turned my pillow around, and tried NOT to think about it..

i hate it when pple who work 24/7 expect me to do the same.. hello, u may not have a family here but i do ok! damn irritating.. ok FINE.. maybe i'm too sensitive.. whatever.. buzz off.. can't wait for the event to be over! there's this stupid compatibility issue which has an extremely tricky solution... please pray hard with me to ensure the ENTIRE event goes on smoothly.. i can't afford any mistakes!!

u know.. the stupid thing is.. i'm unable to do what i'm hired for! end up, i'm doing SO MANY ad-hoc tasks which others deem as more important than my actual job! i'm frustrated and irritated when AGAIN i submit something to my boss in jan.. he only goes through the details with me in feb/march.. approval supposed to be given to me in march.. i've chased him like 3 times in april and till now, i still don't get my approval!!! and yet, i am assigned all these ad-hoc shitty stuff.. not that i mind, but hello, i have my priorties! and now, C is machiam treating me like his assistant... things in HIS department, he gets me involved cos he alwiz need someone to REMIND me of his things.. then i wonder who REMINDS me of my things.. little bit of thing only like so busy like that.. i can't stand it!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's SMELLY like SHIT out there!!!!

he's great..

2011-05-17T22:53:00.003+08:00

ok.. it's not only me.. and yes, i went to google about him and he has received a number of praises from his guests.. just read about someone's experience with chitwan and she absolutely love the place too.. one of her (and my!) favourite places in the world.. and guess who her guide was.. she's lucky enough to spend like about 4 days there.. he brought her to see A LOT of stuff.. pple there are great lah.. seriously.. i dun think it's only him.. it's cos i only had interaction with him.. that's why he gave me such a lasting impression..

u know.. i should be probably be less guarded.. and i guess depending on the environment/situation, i should try to be more sociable and open towards others..

friend's going on a voluntary trip to cambodia.. due to SOME pple, i'm unable to join her this time.. hope to go with her next time..

i just feel that my life is so "dead" right now.. i'm aimless/goaless...

feel like taking like 6 months off and go work as a chef or waitress in chitwan... i miss the place!!!

so tired..

2011-05-05T20:09:00.002+08:00

i'm super drained.. today was probably one of my busiest day in office.. during lunch, i had a talk with one of my colleague.. she's here for less than a month and she really cannot take the culture in the company.. actually, not to mention her, even i can't stand it till now..

we all felt that the people don't work as a team and the hierarchy structure is v prevalent.. boss & subordinates don't mingle.. i can only vet for my own division though.. but in the 3 depts existing in my division, this top-down thing is so true.. worse still.. bosses can't make up their minds.. a (quote) "simple" event is becoming more and more complex.. involving VIPs here and there.. end up, the officers working on the project has to scramble like mad.. information that was provided to bosses way ahead in advance are not translated to THEIR bosses until only a few days before the event date!! so much redundancy and inefficiencies..

boss asked me to attend this meeting today with an external company.. you would expect him to at least brief you what your role in this meeting is but noooooo.. he just ask if we can attend the meeting.. DUH.. end up, i became the coffee/tea lady who had to serve the bosses and guests beverages, clean up, runner.. and i still had to listen to their conversation and take down things which i THINK would be important for me to note.. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL..

u know.. i seriously wonder how bosses become bosses.. if it's due to educational qualifications only.. i think this system has seriously failed.. bosses fail to understand the process that subordinates have to go through just to get things done.. for this major event coming up, just for room booking alone, i had to enquire about room size and availability, request to book room then now, cancel room and go visit the room and propose a more suitable room then re-book room.. eh hello.. this involves me and the guy who's helping me book room.. su kar su kar change room.. and it really makes me feel that he's thinks it's all so easy.. the problem here is, they never experience it.. all pass down to subordinates to do... i seriously DUN MIND doing for u.. but please lah.. dun make pple do redundant work can or not???? then simple thing like deciding lunch venue.. also must let guest decide.. HELLO.. it's ur OWN premise.. u know the place 100 times better than the guest! cannot make ur own decision MEH??????????

he also v smart.. things i give him do, ask him to make decision or approve, he send up to his boss.. end up, i'm delayed by 2 people... i really feel like bashing him at times.. esp when I REPEATEDLY ASK HIM THE STATUS OF HIS REVIEW!!! he alwiz give me a guilty smile and said he hasn't look at it yet.. PLEASE! THAT'S UR JOB! UR DAI JI! IF U DON'T HAVE THE TIME, THEN STAY BACK TO DO IT!!!! SIMPLE LOGIC! but instead, come to work late, long lunch and i heard he doesn't stay back that late! u know, i dun really bother about him entering office late or hving long lunch.. BUT i'm just pissed off that he puts my stuff at the lowest priority and seriously DOESN'T get back to me on anything!!! i have to keep reminding him.. we're all humans.. why must you behave like that? if you don't like me, tell me! at least i can improve myself.. if u think it's a hassle to approve my stuff, then empower me.. give me the authority to do things my way.. dun just sit in your island and isolate urself from me.. just remember, my project may be of least priority to you, but it's my JOB.. it's MY FIRST priority.. if u really think it's that insignificant, then you shouldn't have hired a headcount for this position in the first place...

PMS

-_-

2011-05-02T23:52:00.001+08:00

i'm rotting my life away...

fulfilling day..

2011-05-02T01:04:00.002+08:00

the drizzle dampened our cycling plan we had for the morning.. End up, it seems tt we juz went ecp for mac breakfast.. then we went for klunch.. Food was not bad.. and ya, my main aim was the food.. Not the singing.. hehe.. I like listening to music but I never enjoyed singing.. I juz dun find any pleasure/fun in it.. nonetheless, i was glad my friends had fun singing their hearts out.. N i enjoyed their vocals v much.. :)

Went to orchard for dinner later in the day.. didn't know the restaurant i was going to is a buffet thingy.. :/ i'm kinda apprehensive abt buffets.. Cos it's really ez for me to put on weight but it takes me weeks or maybe even never for my weight to go down.. I definitely put on weight (again!) as can be seen from the photos i'm in.. Sigh..

it's 1.15am n i'm super sleepy now.. G'night pple!

super bored...

2011-04-30T21:39:00.002+08:00

i seriously feel that my life is becoming super boring.. it's kinda routine.. my friends are limited.. work is a bore too.. no excitement AT ALL! i know i can't be going on tour every now and then.. but hai~ just super sian..

was asking my friend the other day about getting drunk.. u know.. like whether he has experienced being drunk before and how did it feel like.. it seems pretty scary yet the strange thing is, i feel it's something i want to experience at least once in my life.. siao right? i'm afraid i'm going mental.. HELP ME!!!

it's not even ten and i'm already half asleep... GOODNESS.. me eyes are closing... hope for good weather tomorrow cos it's ECP day! :)

>:/

2011-04-27T20:29:00.002+08:00

and things just had to end on a sour note year after year..

It's just crazy.. She's getting so out of hand n totally unreasonable! And later, she just twisted the entire story and make it like we r the devils.. GOSH! Dun wanna talk abt it..

Feel like running away again.. I wanna go back to my sanctury..

transferred?

2011-04-26T23:13:00.003+08:00

seems like he has been transferred to another place called parkland or something.. i wonder what's their system there like.. can't wait to go back there.. :(

piece of shit!

2011-04-14T20:57:00.002+08:00

i can't escape afterall! my whole household is sick.. my boss is sick.. my colleagues are sick.. and now it's my turn.. i'm been spraying disinfectant like nobody's biz but i guess it only prolonged when i'm going to kena the virus.. ARGH! SUCKS big TIMe!

gotta miss my step today.. but i guess the worst of all, i'm going for a holiday this wkend! and i'm sick!!!!! piece of shit! i just took medicine + vit C.. hope i get better by tomorrow or at least by sat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sian... i really hope i get to enjoy my trip..

:(

2011-04-09T13:26:00.000+08:00

i'm disappointed w my friends and angry w myself..

Saw a $5 note on the floor n before i can say anything, my friend said "ehhhh!!!" n hurried to pick up the bill.. Afterwhich, she spotted 2 $2 bills n picked them up thereafter.. since she owed me $8 bucks for a cab fare.. She jus passed me the money she picked ($9) and said i cld keep the change.. She was v happy cos she said her cab fare was free now.. But hello, i saw the money too.. By right, u shd hv split the $9 bucks w me! May sound like a tiny matter but basically i didn't feel happy abt it.. Esp since she is a super calculative person.. I juz felt she doesn't deserve it.. If it happened to my other friends, seriously, i wldn't mind as much cos they r not so calculative like her!! Super unfair.. Jus becos my reaction slower i lugi..

i used to think i can tolerate pple who r calculative but i think it's beginning to irritate me.. sigh.. True friends are hard to find..

siao

2011-04-07T21:44:00.001+08:00

sis said her boss complained that she has leave to clear.. So i asked my sis to take leave on my bday.. And guess what? she called me siao..

I seriously dun think my suggestion is siao in anyway.. I'm on leave too.. Even if i'm not and if she went ahead and apply leave on my bday, i wld do the same too.. If she took leave on HER bday and has the whole day free, i don't mind taking leave jus to spend time with her if i hv leave to spare..

And she dissed my suggestion by saying i'm siao.. i dunno how u wld feel... I'm not angry.. Juz disappointed in her.. Thoroughly disappointed.. And i can bet with u 100%, she doesn't bother.. That's what i HATE abt her.. Selfish idiot..

thanks boss

2011-03-21T21:56:00.002+08:00

really appreciate the 15 mins u spent going thru the report with me today...

mini skirt!

2011-03-17T23:00:00.002+08:00

bought my first "mini" skirt in my life! hahahaha.. pairing it with a pair of black leggings for my HK trip!! idea by my sis and friend.. i didn't buy the ultra mini one for obvious reason.. anyway, i think i will be wearing a whole near wardrobe for my trip! my shoes are new, new top, new bottoms etc.. only a couple of stuff have been worn before.. the rest are all new new new!!! looking forward to my trip.. :)

sian

2011-03-03T19:02:00.002+08:00

felt really sian after A talked to me.. Learnt fm regina that he twisted my intention as well.. CRAP! pls don't make me hate u more.. A mentioned that i will be reporting to him soon.. Double CRAP!! It's a big mess...

hope i'll feel better after my class later..

Flying off tmr.. Was excited abt it.. But now.. Totally no mood.. Damn sian..

sigh..

sigh..

2011-02-28T21:25:00.001+08:00

i should be in nepal right now... plans changed.. people's lives change..

all the excitement has died down.. hope is so minimal..

i wonder when i'll be there again...

11.50pm

2011-02-24T23:49:00.002+08:00

i don't feel like sleeping even though i should be in bed..

many thoughts in my mind.. i can't figure them out..

i feel knotted..

:(

2011-02-21T22:20:00.001+08:00

looks

2011-02-20T00:15:00.004+08:00

pretty hectic day for me but was fulfilling..

had this dinner event which i was roped in to help out.. saw this ang mo staff.. i hear pple talking about him before.. and today, i finally got to see him face-to-face.. MEGA cute! hahaha.. young chap.. but cute.. he's one of the rare ang mos that i find good looking.. hehehehehhe..

anyway, i was helping out to distribute the door gifts.. kinda working beind the scenes which i'm pretty happy with.. one of my colleague, tall, slim, make-up and all was working frontline with registration.. she got the most number of registration.. she's pretty lah.. but to a certain extent, the rest of us don't really get along with her.. and no, it's not becos we're jealous of her outer appearance.. it's becos her behaviour and the things she does and things she say just irks us.. of cos, others may not feel the same way cos they dun work with her.. anyway, my pt is, outer appearance really does play a part in everything.. and sometimes u can get away with stuff.. people like u more.. people want to be with you more.. it's unfair yes.. but life itself is unfair..

sour grapes? perhaps.. i'm not too sure myself.. the waitstaff totally missed me out when serving rice just now.. she served my pretty colleague and walked away... i was invisible i guess.. invisible next to my colleague.. it doesn't help that i have a superbly hard-to-pronounce-and-remember name.. pple tend to forget me..

yes, i love working behind the scenes.. but it'll be good if people recognise the effort i put in rather than those who juz know how to PR..

i'm not upset.. it's a cruel reality which i've grown to accept..

dun blame me for having a low-self esteem or no confidence.. u are not me.. u won't understand my position and what i have been going through...

happy v day!

2011-02-14T22:46:00.002+08:00

i didn't want to blog abt v day cos i thot i wouldn't hv much to say.. Well well.. I was almost right.. Haha.. can't help it but when i see guys holding juz a single stalk of rose wrapped with cheap plastic foil, it makes me feel that he is damn cheapo.. That's not a way to give a girl flowers.. U either give a bouquet (doesn't matter the size) or u dun give at all.. but i still think it's silly to buy flowers during v day.. so waste money n no surprise element! Best is out of the blue, receive a bouquet of flowers with a personalized note.. That wld be so sweet! Haha.. I can only dream on.. Haha..

*****
Overheard conversation between C n B. U see, A was initially arrowed to be the emcee of an event.. And of cos, A didn't want to be, so C said if A didn't want, he bo pian wld hv to take on the emcee role. But when A insisted he didn't want the job, he arrowed B.. So C approached B and said A arrowed him.. B got a shock and said we all thought if A didn't want to be the emcee, C wld automatically take over.. But seems like C also didn't want to be the emcee and took the chance to arrow B since A shot the arrow there.. B also v funny de.. When asked if he want to b the emcee, his replied to C was "i dun mind if U are the emcee" so obviously C tried all ways to push it to B but was unsuccessful.. Haha.. Their tai-chi skills not bad.. and guess what? C came to me and said, he really bo pian, hv to take on the emcee role cos A n B rejected.. Then asked ME to write down for him when to say what on the actual day.. So I kena involved now.. So smart hor.. Then i might as well be the voice over since C wld seem like a puppet reading off my script.. PIECE OF SHIT!

messages

2011-02-13T19:58:00.002+08:00

There is this counseling service in my workplace that sends inspirational emails to us at the start of each workday.. personally, sometimes i think the messages are just lame.. but most of the time, they are really well.. inspirational.. here are a couple that was sent recently which i felt were really meaningful and logical:

"At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent." ~Barbara Bush

Five Simple Rules For Happiness:
1. Free you heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

pain

2011-02-09T22:01:00.002+08:00

a couple of days before CNY, i went to see a doc cos the ball of my feet hurt whenever i exercise..

cut myself while slicing mangoes on CNY day 2..

broke the ceramic spoon yesterday night while scooping ice cream.. left me with 2 deep cuts on my right thumb!!!!!!!!!!!!

just suddenly, i feel the left side of my back really aching.. it's slightly better now but i hope it doesn't come back later!

wah lauz.. dunno what's happening..

sleepy..

2011-02-08T23:15:00.002+08:00

confirm problem lies with HIM not me! i'm trying my best to work as independently as possible now without bothering him cos i think that's what he likes.. he likes living in his own world.. working in his own world.. with nobody disturbing him though he tries to sound welcoming whenever people look for him.. now, another poor guy is lost.. good lucky buddy.. we both need it..

i'll blog another time.. super sleepy now..

-_-

2011-01-18T20:52:00.002+08:00

got my bonus letter.. happy.. but short-lived..

i dun wanna complain about my job.. but what's the point of checking your email when you dun respond to them?? seriously, i think u can go fly a kite.. or maybe, i think u should fly 2 kites.. (*&#$(@*#&@#@#$(#$(#*$##((

you're back.. and i really really don't like to talk to u.. u are not making things any better..

should i stay another year juz for the bonus? i really like my company.. juz dun like my job.. what should i do?

i'm upset.. sian.. kinda have last year's feeling again.. miserable..

i miss you...

:(

2011-01-12T20:02:00.000+08:00

why must people say things tt r so hurtful.. why can't i find anyone to talk to? I'm feeling v upset.. Miserable.. What a loser..

It hurts, worse than being cut by a knife i guess.. Maybe i'll be better off dead..

Or is it my fault? But i did nothing.. I'm useless.. Worthless.. I'm just taking up space in the world..

U've been hurt n knows how it feels so why do u want to inflict the same kind of pain on others?

:(

spring cleaning...

2011-01-09T20:28:00.002+08:00

started spring cleaning yesterday... cleaned some parts of my cupboard.. and today, my mum and i cleaned my room.. i threw away many stuff.. stuff which i didn't bear to throw previously.. and we shifted the orientation of my bed! i hope this is good fengshui for me.. :) my room seems bigger and "lighter" now! i think i need to get a new bedside table cos my current one is really old and seems a little unstable.. looks like i need to make a trip down to ikea!! hehe..

i re-bonded my hair last sunday and it looks so much neater.. my hairdresser knew i wanted a more natural kind of re-bond and well, it turned out too "natural".. my ends are not straight at all.. they are slightly curved.. i'm thinking of going back to the saloon next weekend.. hopefully i can get it re-done for free.. else, i'll just leave it as it is..

as usual, the weekend is zoOoming by..

i hope i can orientate myself on my bed tonight.. haha..

:\

2011-01-07T20:15:00.003+08:00

ok fine.. i admit, i shouldn't have flared up like that..

i was angry at my parents for not accompanying me to see dolphins.. sound super kiddish ya.. i wanna see the wild dolphins swim in bali.. but NOBODY seems interested!!!!!!!!!! not my parents who i asked to come along for this trip, NOR my colleagues!! i read online that based on where my hotel was located, i need to take about a 2.5hr car ride to the beach where the dolphins are.. then take a boat (sampan) ride out to see the wild dolphins.. even just the sound if it makes me excited! i love dolphins! and wild ones some more! super cool.. i really really wanna go.. it would mean waking up at 2+am as the car will pick us up at 3am.. aRGH! the agony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's like going to chitwan without the jungle trekking!!!!!!! dad kept insisting he wants to see the paddy fields.. which i want too! but we just dun have the time! we going for a half day tour on day 1, day 2 morning i have my staff comm session.. left the second half of the day to f&e.. day 3, f&e again before we fly off.. actually, day 3, we have a lot of f&e time but not enough to slot in a day tour cos we need to check out by 12pm.. (or 2pm latest).. wanted to slot the dolphin tour in the morning of day 3 BUT.........

parents made a comment, which i thought was really right.. they said i didn't give them a choice.. and they're not wrong.. i kinda insisted them to accompany me.. but.. I WANNA SEE DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

looks like i'll have to make another trip to bali after this time... hopefully i get more garang kakis who wanna see the dolphins toooooooo.. *heavy sigh*

oOoOOoOooooo!

2011-01-06T22:31:00.002+08:00

i'm like so close to fulfilling one of my new year's resolution!

haha.. going bali in jan (company retreat).. i dun consider that a holiday though.. :P but i'm heading to penang and hk in march!! woo hoOOoO!!!

i still hope to travel in the later half of the year though :)

hellloOoOoooOoo 2011!!!

phew

2011-01-01T13:22:00.003+08:00

what a year.. finally, 2010 is over!

new year, new hope, new challenges, new fears :S

okokokokokok, i shouldn't be so pessimistic!! it's the first day of 2011!

things i aim to do this year:
- make an effort to wear dress on normal days
- go on a holiday! min 1 long or 2 short trips..
- try not to put on weight
- maintain my calm when dealing with stupid people

ok.. just 4 points for now.. :)

thank god i'm alive!

happy new year peeps!

go fly a kite man!

2010-12-15T21:56:00.003+08:00

damn super pissed with A..

first, he dumps everything to me.. expects me to plan and coordinate this event when i know nuts about it.. and when i ask him, he simply tells me he dun know! fine! if u dun know, at least let's work together and solve it.. dun everything just push to me! what kind of boss are u?? damn Freaking PISSED off with him.. what the hell.. best part, he's going on leave for the whole of the next damn week and comes back on the day of the event itself.. freaking PIECE of SHIT..

then today, i cut 2 large slices of log cake for one of my colleague.. the day before, he has asked me to cut it for him.. so anyway, i placed the cut cake on my desk and even labelled it.. then i went off to attend a briefing.. when i came back to my desk, the cake was no longer on my desk.. and the label was stuck onto my table instead.. so obviously, i thought my colleague had took his cake.. to cut the long story short, i found out that A actually took the cake from my desk and passed it to ANOTHER colleague instead!!! i was SUPER DUPER PISSED! hey come on! I labelled the bloody plate and u just take it away like that!??!?!?!?!? even if it's not labelled, it's on my desk! how can U just take the cake away without asking mE??????????????????? HOW RUDE!!!!!!!! damn buay song.. then after a while, he came to tell me what he did.. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING ON MY DESK WHEN I'M NOT AROUND.. BUT that thought DID NOT occur to me till now.. bloody ASshole.. it's not like it's something urgent.. why can't he wait for me to come back and ask for my permission before removing that from my table????? and lucky i found out myself and faster cut a couple more slices for the original recipient.. else confirm for nothing surely got commotion.. I HATE YOU!!! seriously, GO FLY A KITE! so damn unprofessional..

:\

2010-12-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

some of my colleagues went nepal today.. go there to visit a school.. play with the kids.. teach the kids.. and help out in ways that are required.. i'm jealous.. cos i can't go!! the thing is.. it is organised by a dept for students.. it is not opened to staff.. so it's really hard for me to tell my boss i wanna go.. moreover, there are other factors that prohibits me from going.. i'm sad.. sigh.. i hate my division!!! dun like to work with the people there.. a couple of them still ok.. but the rest, i really dun like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so sick of where i'm at.. seriously..

i wonder what you are doing now... :(

:(

2010-12-12T21:49:00.001+08:00

jia lat jia lat jia lat...

dunno why, suddenly feeling super down......... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! the feeling is coming back again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>:(

2010-12-12T16:27:00.002+08:00

i almost jumped out of the car today.. couldn't stand the noise.. wanted to just get out and walk away.. sometimes i'm afraid i'll really go over my limit and do things that i shouldn't do..

why is it so difficult? why is it so difficult to understand each other? so different to not be so stubborn.. so difficult to just listen? being the third party, i really can see things clearer than those involved.. but dun nag at me.. i really cannot take it.. maybe as i grow older, i become less patient.. i dunno.. but indirectly, i feel so frustrated.. so irritated.. sometimes i give up.. sigh..

just when i thought today's going to be a great day.. something just have to happen to ruin it..

people grow up, they change.. and sometimes, they just start to drift away further from each other.. it's sad.. esp when we share so many happy memories together.. i can't help it.. cos i've changed as well..

i hate my life...

:)

2010-12-11T20:03:00.002+08:00

ok.. Fruitful trip to bugis.. Went to 3 different tailor shops to ask if they cld repair my belt.. each one of them directed me to the next shop n the 3rd shop owner directed me to the 4th shop that sells army supplies.. The guy examined my belf and shook his head.. Can't be repaired.. Well, doesn't matter.. The thing i wanna say is, the bosses of all these shops were really nice.. U know how grumpy some shopskeepers can be.. But they were quite patient.. Anyway, so i went back to the shop that i bgt the belt from and wanted to get a new one.. To my surprise, the lady changed a new belt for me! FOC! She wasn't exactly smiey but she kinda said that she'll only make this change once and will send my belt back to the supplier as a default.. Cool.. :) fyi, original cost of the belt's $20..

Went OG n managed to get a black pair of tights .. Need it for my d&d performance this friday.. Belt "repaired", shoes checked! Sunglasses checked! Tank top checked! Only left retro accessories n big white top which a couple of my team members will get.. Hopefully i can fit into the white top they buy...

cousin bun's hse warming tmr.. Can't wait to see her new nest! More imptantly, can't wait to see everyone else.. It has been very long (since cny i guess) since we last have a gathering.. Guess it'll be like cny tmr then! Baked a batch of ciupcakes.. Haven't decided how to ice them yet.. Leaving that for tmr morning.

20 more mins b4 i reach home! This bus journey is making me sleepy..

pissed

2010-12-08T21:02:00.002+08:00

there's a part of my job which i absolutely detest.. simply cos everything's in a mess and they expect me to produce gold out of it.. my IT side is providing me with the data and each time the data i get, something is wrong.. i submitted my request in end june and till now, i still have not received everything that i've requested for... till this morning, i was clarifying with the IT guy on the latest file he sent over.. then in the afternoon, he called me up and said.. "i don't know how to tell u this.. erm.. u don't worry ok.. erm.. i really don't know how to say it.." and then i told him that he's really making me worried.. and then he said it.. TODAY WAS HIS LAST DAY! BOOMZ! i really feel like crying.. on one hand, i have been working closely with him.. so i'm kinda affected that he's leaving.. and on another hand, it's like, kinda only the both of us went through "thick and thin" on this project and now he's handing his job over to his new guy.. OMG.. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO MY PROJECT???????????????????????????????????????? when i hang up, my eyes started getting teary and i needed a tissue.. seriously.. i really don't know what is affecting me more - that he as a person is gone or that he as a colleague is gone.. i believe it's more of the latter.. and my deadline is like next week.. i'm so dead.. now i'm in this ALONE..

just yesterday, my boss commented on the shoes that i wore.. he said, he didn't know crocs had such nice design.. then said he noticed that i was wearing it for some time le.. i think my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.. i'm super shocked he actually noticed my SHOES.. what the hell.. i got no comments.. i rather he be more concerned with helping me on my project than noticing what shoes i'm wearing..

also yesterday, i received an sms from an old schoolmate.. sad news..

anyway, year 2010 is coming to the end.. and i dunno why, SHIT is still coming my way!!! it's like squeezing all the shit in the world and splashing it at me till the very last day of 2010... damn.. 23 more days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh oh oh.. and i juz recalled the latest shit.. A&C threw this huge bomb at me this morning.. A told me very nicely that they are both like clearing their leave, so they ask me to take charge of this bloody event which i know NUTS about.. i'm so pissed with them.. to hell with them! seriously.. what the fish man.. they dunno the process of planning the thing, i also dunno.. but they expect me to go find out everything and do everything for them then they just turn up on the day itself and expect everything to turn out perfect.. it is a HUGE event and they make it sound as if it's like just a simple signing session.. ARGHhhhhhhhhhhHhhhhh!! the more i think of it, the more i feel like kicking them in their BUTTOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!! damn it! really, i dunno how much more i can take it.. working with all the permanent head damaged idiots..

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna EAT them ALL up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crap..

2010-11-19T16:15:00.001+08:00

mum told me that we could go for this 4D3N penang-malacca trip in dec.. and just when i told her to go ahead to book it.. i FORGOT that my d&d falls during that period! shitz.. lucky she hasn't booked yet..

d&d is more or less compulsory for me cos as a newcomer, i gotta perform.. and i already signed up for it.. if i go MIA, i will need to pay $100.. damn.. to think i still thought i have something to look forward to this year end..

shit..

sick

2010-11-19T11:31:00.002+08:00

haven't been this sick since god knows when.. doc even gave me 2 days MC and i'm glad he did.. if i was back to work today, i'll prob be miserable.. cold and shivering..

IT guy supposed to help me solve a technical issue this morning.. and when he realised i was not around, he grumbled and commented.. then my colleague said MC how to predict.. then he just kept quiet.. for nothing i kena accused.. thankful that my colleague said something to defend me..

i went out on weds morning for a hen's breakfast session.. wasn't feeling too well but i didn't want to miss it.. wanted to take a cab home but decided not to as it will be super ex.. so i took a 1 hr bus ride home.. lucky i got a seat... i was really feeling unwell at this time.. and the 1 hr bus ride seems like an eternity.. almost died when i reached home.. bathe, took temp and realised it has hit 39 degrees.. faster took some medicine and slept.. anyway, it's strange cos whenever i woke up, i felt a lot better but once i step out of my house, i felt weak.. and yesterday night, my temp was almost 39 again! today, it was gone down to a more normal human temp.. but i'm still taking my cough syrup to prevent a full blown cough from attacking me..

but seriously.. i felt miserable.. i didn't have anyone beside me.. my parents were at my auntie's house and my sis was out of town.. most of the time i was home alone.. which is good cos i dun wanna spread the germs to them as well.. but i felt really miserable.. esp on day 1.. i had to take care of myself.. use a wet towel and put it on my forehead.. remind myself to take temp and pills... i know i'm old enough to do all these by myself but seriously, it didn't feel good.. now i know how those old folks who are living by themselves feel..

sigh.. sometimes i can't help but think too far ahead..

nobody understands me...

2010-11-15T21:33:00.002+08:00

fact.. sometimes i juz feel out of the world.. spaced out.. am i so insignificant? perhaps.. or are others just so ignorant?

void

permanent head damage

2010-11-08T22:34:00.002+08:00

i've become so disillusioned since entering here.. it seems that the higher the qualifications one has does not make the him/her a better person.. and i seriously feel, 懂得尊敬任何事 and 懂得做人 is more important than anything in life.. what i've said is very vague.. to different people, 做人 means different things.. but i guess it boils down to EQ..

when i was younger, my mum used to dictate that her future son-in-law must at least be a university graduate.. and of course he must be this and cannot be that.. details shall not be listed here.. my point is.. a higher education probably gives u a better job and a higher pay.. yes, ultimately it's the money that matters.. esp if u live in a highly stressful and competitive environment/ country like where i'm from.. therefore, everytime when i want to take things easy and take a step backwards, reality hits me.. and that's why, i've been wanting to "run away" so many times..

life can be so simple.. but make it complicated? it's not like i want to nuah.. but i guess i just want to do something simple.. to pass time and to get by.. which is absolutely almost impossible to do here..

i'm so lost, confused that i see no light where i'm at right now.. even thought of consulting a fortune teller.. hoping he/she can give me some directions.. it's terrible.. really..

super sleepy now..

:(

2010-11-07T21:56:00.002+08:00

i seriously thought i was wayyyyyyyyyyyyy over it... but it seems that i was wrong.. i can't believe it.. don't believe it.. seriously can't accept this.. i think i'm nuts..

block

2010-11-06T22:50:00.003+08:00

so many thoughts going through my head now.. there's like a traffic jam inside.. i need someone to talk to me.. i dun know where to start.. dun know what to say.. feeling suffocated..

reflections..

2010-11-06T10:46:00.002+08:00

i wanted to write this post next month.. when it's like the last month of the year.. but i think it doesn't make much of a difference.. so here it goes..

2010 is really a BAD year.. probably the worst in my life.. i can't remember a time when i have so many mood swings.. swung into a low state of emotions so many times etc...

i just feel like so many things happen this year.. changes either directly or indirectly affecting me.. so many.. too many to list them down.. i was in such a bad state the other day, i actually asked one of my friend what she was like at my age.. at times, i just feel like crying.. and then there were times i feel positive but something just have to happen to dampen the mood..

everytime i feel down, i feel like going back to my sanctuary.. u know.. just recently, i took a bus to work and the sky was so blue.. clouds so fluffy and white.. i wished i had a camera with me and i could just snap a picture.. then yesterday, i was walking to the bus stop and along the way, there were hardly any vehicles on the road and i could hear the birds chirping.. it was like 9.30am and this just instantly make me feel calm.. maybe i'm weird but i just felt different.. told myself that it's going to be a great day despite dreading to head out so early on a public holiday..

sometimes i feel i ought to live somewhere where i can just be self-sufficient.. not that i hate to work.. but i hate it when i need to be weary of people, of their intentions, etc.. we are all human beings but why do we need to be so ambitious? i mean, being ambitious is a good thing but why should we hurt one another on the way? all these just makes me give up at times.. feel so 绝望... seriously.. so disappointed in people.. i don't understand..

anyway, my colleague recently sent me some horoscopes thingy for the year 2011.. apparently, next year is a really good year for me.. well, i sure hope so.. things are already so low, though it could get worse.. i just hope i'm heading upwards in all areas..

i guess i'm experiencing my quarter-life crisis now.. and seriously, i simple hope that things just fall into place for me.. i'm so lost.. even now...

:)

2010-10-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

it's comforting to hear my teacher saying i did well.. My class is on the brink of being dissolved.. Again, i was the only student today.. He spent like max half an hr with me.. And at the end of the lesson, he asked if i cld transfer to sun class which i refuse.. So anyway, he even asks if i will like to hv private lessons w him.. But he stays v far from me! I'll need like at least an hr and a half to reach his place.. And the same time back home.. That's 3hrs travel time for 45mins of jazz..

anyway, i guess comforting is really the right word to describe my feeling now.. I still remembermy mum gave no encouragement when i told her i took up this course.. I dun remember anyone who encouraged me.. Even now, they dun understand how come i 'dun mind' practising and practising after work each day.. Is this my interest? Well, i guess it's a nice feeling to hv when u can play an entire piece but the process of practising sucks.. I think i prefer baking.. Haha.. Well, i guess i will go source for cooking or baking classes after my jazz class dissolves.. :) no sad feelings cos i learnt a lot in these 10mths.. Yes.. Can u imagine? It's almost a year! I can't believe i lasted for so long in a course i signed 'on impluse' by myself!! I guess that's abt the only positive thing ot well, only commendable thing i did this yr.. haha..

Sian.. Tmr gotta face crap at work.. But let's leave tt for tmr.. To hell with it! Haha..

i really feel like giving up..

2010-10-28T07:46:00.000+08:00

each time i get excited abt work.. someone or something dampens it.. It's so demoralizing.. I know i shouldn't be a quitter but is this juz too much for me to handle??

why?

>:|

2010-10-27T20:24:00.002+08:00

after almost 4 months into my job.. i still feel like quitting..

i'm getting to know more people.. which is a good thing.. but i still dun like the culture in my dept.. and my dept only comprises of me and my boss.. which means, i dun really like my boss.. i simply think he can't manage pple.. he doesn't hv the time to manage anyone.. i think he should get a manager to help him and me, rather than me having to report directly to him.. it's juz a big fat mess.. and i dun know if he knows it..

something cropped up yesterday and i asked my boss to reply someone's email.. indirectly (or directly), i'm asking him to step in.. and guess what? i saw that someone at my workshop today.. i was about to walk back to the room after lunch and she kinda stopped me and talked to me about the email.. she has her point.. and we had ours.. but she kept insisting on her way and had me outside the room for a while.. as much as i wanted to go into the room and not miss part of the training, i didn't dare to just dismiss her and walk in.. cos her face's super black.. and usually she's like "HI!".. today, i saw a different side of her.. anyway, i felt that she was rude to hold me up from the training.. anyway, i hope i will get a final direction from my boss tomorrow..

that day, i had dinner with the 2 girls in my division.. and i kinda let my heart out.. well, but it seems i'm not alone.. the girls also felt the same way as i do about my boss.. lucky for them, they have a new manager coming in.. hope things improves at their end.. best thing is, one of them actually asked me if i was looking for a job now.. cos she said i looked like i won't stay long.. i guess she's right.. everything about my work is kinda irritating me right now.. sometimes i wonder why should i even try? i'm still pissed off about the fact that the things they told me in the interview are sOoOOOooOOOOOooooo different when i came in.. i really felt cheated.. and they expect me to be a know-it-all.. I HATE U! pieces of shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT!!! i will definitely last till December.. i want to get my pro-rated AWS.. not so stupid.. but i guess i need to be on the lookout now.. sian.. i hate this feeling..

i have to perform for my annual d&d.. my group is performing a little dance.. and we met up juz now and well, everyone's kinda passive.. anyway, the thing is.. i very much wanted to volunteer myself to be one of the choreographers but i didn't.. i was selfish i guess.. the first thing i thought of was my piano lesson.. i had to go home to practice everyday.. i leave on the dot each day at work, so i can have my r&r after practising.. that aside, i'm quite sian today, i decided to skip practising and watch tv/ surf internet instead...

just off the phone.. mum's friend on the line looking for mum but i ended up talking to her about my work instead.. in case u're wondering, i know her personally and have worked with her as a temp staff previously..

it's going to be november.. and it hasn't been a good year.. well, juz put it this way.. things have been and could be better.. :\ goodnight..

:(

2010-10-23T01:10:00.001+08:00

fat, ugly, old and seems like kena condemn...

trying to keep my spirits up still..
life is hard..

:|

2010-10-18T22:52:00.002+08:00

i shall refrain from complaining about the happenings at work...

*****

there goes my hope of visiting my sanctuary next feb.. :(

no more motivation.. no more hope.. nothing to look forward to.. i wonder if i can opt to visit the place in june next year.. my workplace does voluntary work at that country.. though not exactly the part that i love but this place is juz as good EXCEPT it's in the highlands and can get superbly cold especially towards the end/beginning of the year.. and i can't take cold.. damn..

sometimes, i wonder what my fate is.. am i wasting away my life like this? is there something waiting for me to do? how do i know what that is? sometimes i feel the urge is so strong but i'm so afraid to take a step forward to venture.. life itself is a mystery.. :\

i'm longing for a holiday.. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................

well well..

2010-10-14T22:18:00.003+08:00

and about 2.5 months later, i get a hint that the class is about to dissolve (AGAIN!).. bascially, one guy from the original class hasn't turned up in months and the rest has quit.. left me and another guy.. this other guy is like me, transferred from another class.. and today, i was the only student cos he didn't come..

so first time one-to-one.. quite alright actually... but well, dunno how long this thing will last.. i dun wan sunday class.. and there aren't any more weekday evening classes.. :\

***

out of the blue, C asked me if i were happy working there.. i was shocked.. and tried to change topic by saying i had trouble analysing data.. giving me quite a headache.. dunno where to start.. etc etc etc.. do i really have such a sian face? i guess sometimes i do feel unhappy.. but well.. i guess i must put on a front then.. sigh..

well.. time to sleep.. long day tmr.. looking forward though :)

:'(

2010-10-05T11:32:00.000+08:00

i'm super duper depressed.. Started yesterday and today also feeling lousy.. feel like hiding in the toilet to jus let it all out.. Also dunno why i'm like that.. Hope i'll feel better after my 2 meetings later.. :(

:(

2010-10-03T20:04:00.003+08:00

bad mood.. foul mood.. dunno why.. maybe pms..

doesn't help that tomorrow is monday..

i hate my life..

is home country really the best place to be??
maybe i will learn to appreciate it after i'm away for some time..

my last vacation was last nov.. not even a year and i'm already yearning to go for another holiday.. i have nothing to look forward to.. no meaning in life.. and as much as i dislike gambling, i wish i can somehow strike a huge sum of money, quit my day job and go travelling to wherever i want..

sometimes i find that i spend too much of me time doing worthless things.. or doing nothing at all when i could have spend it more wisely..

sometimes i think i am at the wrong place.. i should be doing something else.. but what's stopping me?????????????????????????????????????

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!! feel like SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tired...

2010-09-30T21:14:00.003+08:00

i'm so sick of my bosses.. i really feel having a high education doesn't mean anything.. It only means u are good at studying.. It doesn't mean u are good at managing pple, doesn't mean ur EQ is as high as ur IQ, doesn't mean u are a know-it-all.. Damn.. dunno how come pple can be so selfish, stubborn, inconsiderate, insensitive, ignorant and irritating all at the same time!! Some pple juz don't know how to manage pple.. i might not hv been a good manager last time but i feel i'm way better than them in terms of how i treat my subordinates.. wonder how long i can bear with this...

:'(

2010-09-29T21:55:00.003+08:00

why are u so impatient with me when i'm so patient with u.. Juz becos u treat pple this way doesn't mean pple want to be treated like this..

like u say.. It's juz a simple thing.. So why can't u even hear me out?? I dun understand.. How come ur mind thinks this way.. Why must u treat me like this? Sometimes i really wonder what sisters are for.. i really dunno how u think..

I feel so hurt and upset...... To u, this means nothing, to me it means something..

Why is it only when we sense someone is leaving us that we start to learn to treasure them?

:'(

it's me again...

2010-09-29T09:35:00.002+08:00

i missed out blogging some things but then again, i guess it doesn't matter..

I guess the latest news is that my probation is almost over n my boss has confirmed me.. Meaning, i've passed my probation.. i'm not exactly ecstatic abt it.. Cos it seems tt HR sent him a reminder abt my confirmation n he asked me to his room for a short discussion on it.. it seems to me he was juz getting this task done n that's it.. I asked him to give me feedback n suggestions for improvements n he cldn't say much.. In fact, he pretty much say something superficial and kinda brush it thru.. basically he doesn't care AT ALL.. When i asked if i cld take leave, he was like not sure of my schedule.. ok fine, maybe he's so busy and i dun expect him to micro-manage me.. BUT when i asked, so who's going to take over me when i'm on leave, he couldn't give me an ans.. It took him a while before identifying A and subsequently himself and another 2 girls.. Then he said they are on a lookout for a new person and this person can help take over part of my job when i'm on leave.. The problem is, we hv no idea when this new person is hired.. Also, my main job scope is handled by me alone.. I can't juz pass to the other 2 officer (the 2 girls whom my boss identified) or anyone else.. In fact, the best person to 'takeover' wld probably be my boss himself!!! so it actually mean tt he didn't ans my qn.. i'm quite pissed with him but what can i do?? I've said this many times.. My boss is a nice person but i think he is hopeless in terms of managing pple.. Oops.. Someone caught me fiddling with me phone..

Sian.. Only weds.. At least my mum is back home :) i made her a bday cake n i'm happy with the results :)

sian..

2010-09-19T22:39:00.001+08:00

monday tomorrow..

i hate it..

:)

2010-09-14T22:13:00.004+08:00

we love each other.. even though we dun say it.. even if we quarrel at times... argue.. but i'm so appreciative of the simple gestures that express our care and concern for each other.. thank you :)

wah lauz..

2010-09-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

went to far east plaza today with a couple of my ex-colleagues..

i "volunteered" to lend my hair to the shopkeeper so that the 2 of them can see how the hair was being bun up.. i admit, i have a huge head and a big face.. doesn't help that my face is fat.. so after doing up my hair.. one of my friends was like, 很auntie leh!!!!!!!!!!!! u know, i dun mind her saying that.. but she don't have to announce it to the WHOLE UNIVERSE.. doesn't help that a lot of pple were staring and watching too.. then she went on to say that i wasn't suitable for it.. look damn auntie.. -_-" after that, a similar thing happened when i tried on some bags.. then she said i'm back to choosing AUNTIE bags again.. and again, she said it damn loudly.. it's not like she's doing it on purpose... it's more like, she talking in her normal voice and exclaiming.. like how u would do if u saw something nice.. juz that, she had to let the whole world know that i have "auntie-taste".. it was really embarrassing.. she is a very direct person and says it as it is.. well, whatever.. i really have no energy to say further.. but that aside, she is a very helpful person..

dunno why, seems that pple's flaws are beginning to become more obvious to me.. and it kinda irritates me.. first one super calculative and un-generous friend who likes to act cute, call me irritating names but is helpful and a good listener.. then this one who always complain she's fat when she's stick-thin, loud and TOO direct but is again helpful..

human beings are not perfect.. and i dun want to become an auntie..

:)

2010-09-07T18:28:00.002+08:00

had a 'bad' dream last night.. Dreamt i was balding! Quite scary.. Then this morning went to google see what it means n apparently, it's a sign of low self-esteem n worry abt ageing.. Goodness.. probably i'm indirectly worrying abt all these.. But seriously i didn't realise.. Wonder what i will dream of tonight..

And juz in case u think i'm alwiz feeling down, irritated, frustrated etc.. my current mood is 'glad'.. Glad tt i was able to start doing some solid work.. Though i can see pple are ToO busy go teach me.. At least i cld start on something.. Well, fingers crossed tt nothing goes wrong.. :) funny.. When i'm in a positive mood, i dun hv much to talk abt.. Haha.. Tt's all folks!

nothing to look forward to...

2010-09-06T18:25:00.003+08:00

i'm aimless..

Fed up n resigned to my fate at work.. Today one of my colleagues complain to me abt our bosses.. i can understand cos i face the same problem as her, only in a different area.. the bosses dun seem to be communicating to one another.. and sometimes, information dun get passed around.. And these are not minor things mind u.. i told myself to give this job a chance n learn more abt stats analysis.. But i seriously dunno what lies ahead.. I'm giving myself until march.. Prob until may or june to consider my next move.. I think i will like working in this company.. But this dept?? I'm not sure..

No holidays this year.. Not even sure if my "planned" trip in feb will materialize at all.. my friend told me i shd prob go stay and work there for a year then come bk to singapore again.. To be honest.. I dun mind.. I seriously dun.. Ask me to work as a waitress also can.. Only one condition, it must be a tourist spot.. :P

Aiya.. All talk but no action..

Then this guy tells me tt he misses this girl... And the girl is married.. He knows it and of cos, intends to juz let it be.. There's nothing he can do abt it.. He says her hubby is very lucky.. I know.. Cos the girl is a really good catch.. Anyway, the point is.. This guy shd juz move on and get over it.. And well, i come to realise tt if a guy keep singing praises abt u and treats u nice.. It means he likes u.. But tt doesn't mean he's a nice person to everyone else.. Not saying tt he's bias or has a bad character but if u like someone, u tend to be especially nice to him/ her.. And if u dun show interest in someone, well, u'll juz treat the person as how u would treat others..

Getting dizzy typing this in the bus.. *puke*

:(

2010-09-03T10:56:00.000+08:00

突然觉得不开i心。。。可能是因为突然有东西做而且是我不想做的东西。。。只能盼望今晚的 gathering.. 真 sian... boss 又不在。。。 he dun sign on my form, i can't start!! Everything is held up again..

Later meeting with IT dept. . 我一个人!!! 我很怕。。。老朋友，就如你所说的。。我可以不要做工吗？？？真想 Jus quit.. But i need the money.. 都是为了钱钱钱!!! 烦啊!

已经在这里两个月了。。但什么都不熟。。。一点 Power 都没有。。人为什么这么多烦恼？？干脆做一只大象 that roams freely in the wild..

希望今天快点过。。。 :(

i look really old...

2010-08-30T20:48:00.001+08:00

and my colleague did not deny..

my face is in a really bad condition.. pimples popping out and it's just so dull.. got scars as well.. open pores.. blackheads all over my nose and the area around it.. i think i look at least 5 years older than my actual age.. doesn't help that i'm fat.. double-chin and all..

u know.. there are SEVERAL times when i avoided looking at the mirror cos i find myself damn hedious looking.. i'm NOT being kua zhang.. i'm serious.. sometimes pple juz brush me off by saying no lah.. where got? but in actual fact, that's really how i feel.. ok, i admit.. i dun look that gross all the time.. only sometimes.. and i feel gross now.. that's why i slapped on a facial mask now.. i juz saw some photos of myself taken yesterday.. i dunno why pple still tagged me when i look so horrible.. of cos, the first thing i did was to untag myself..

feel like going cosmetic surgery..

good weekend..

2010-08-29T22:52:00.003+08:00

hate it that it's the start of a new week tomorrow..

starting my new jazz class on thurs.. sian..

i think i gained 2 kg today.. i'm super full..

time to koonz..

are u married?

2010-08-28T22:35:00.002+08:00

when u ask that question, dun assume the answer is "Yes" or "No".. or let me put it this way, i dun think pple will even bother to expect a "No" reply cos usually what they're thinking of is "Yes, I think u're married but i'm just asking you to confirm my assumption..."

my point is.. be prepared for the other party to answer "No" rather than get caught unprepared and let there be a moment of awkward silence before u come up with some witty reply..

Don't get me wrong.. I'm not offended by pple posting that question to me.. I'm just offended by pple's reaction to my reply.. period.

mixed emotions

2010-08-24T09:19:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling sick, miserable, confused and glad all at the same time.. Does it mean i am an emotional wreak?

If u see me blogging on a workday morning/ afternoon, most prob something has happened at work that frustrates me and since i can't vent it out to anyone, i can only blast it out here..

First.. I'm still feeling a bit nausea.. Tried to puke a second time yesterday but the food didn't come out.. It's a good sign i guess.. took a medicine b4 coming to work juz now.. But still feeling a little bit queasy.. dunno what to eat for lunch later..

Second.. I'm happy i found the picture but i dunno if it's a good thing.. I keep thinking of it!! I know i shdn't but i really really can't help myself.. Esp when i'm feeling sick and miserable n tired of my life here, i wish i can go there to retreat.. U know, i've never been like this ever in my life.. I dunno what is happening to me.. As a result, i think this is contributing to my misery..

Third, i received a reply fm an email i sent out yesterday.. Cld it be my tone in the email or what? The guy replied in a rather harsh tone but this morning, he resent his reply again noting that his previous comments were inappropriate cos he thought my email was referring to another thing.. Even then.. I dun see why he replied the way he did.. Doesn't help that i cldn't really understand what he was talking abt..

I'm trying to do my job well here but not many pple around me are helping.. when i give my boss something to review.. He sits on it for days and weeks! And sometimes when i chase for something, he asks me to give the other party a few more days.. Hello! Deadline already missed.. And this allowance of a few more days can end up to be a week or more.. Then i can't start on my work.. I hv things to do but i can't do it cos it's all pending someone else's inputs.. I'm so sick of it.. no use telling my boss cos he's also one of the culprits but i guess i need to voice it out during perf appraisal time.. I dunno how long i can tahan here.. I'm not doing something i like cos there's no one to guide me.. I'm not learning as much aa i want..

Next bad news, i hope to go there next feb but i have an event tentatively svheduled on 19feb! May need to postpone the trip to march.. Sian.. See how ba.. U know.. Suddenly got the urge to fly there by myself over the upcoming long weekend..

omG!

2010-08-23T19:38:00.002+08:00

omG! super happy cos i found a photo!!!!!!!!!!!! muahahahaha... it was taken in january 2010.. :)
hehehehe....

omG! i dunno what's wrong with me.. so feel like puking today.. managed to tahan till i reached home.. then PUKED!!! my stomach was quite empty so not much came out too.. didn't finish my lunch.. ate half of my mee sua plus one pkt of guava... ate some chocolate cake, 2 biscuits and a small bowl of soup for dinner.. and now.. i feel like puking again.. sigh.. dunno why suddenly like that.. and it's monday!!! i dun wanna take mc again..

pardon me.. i need to go puke..

thoughts..

2010-08-22T21:08:00.002+08:00

juz read someone's blog.. think she's so frustrated and fed up of the way her bf is.. and all the while, i thought they were getting married.. i believe so, cos he brought her to the jeweler to check out her ring size.. it's a matter of time before he officially propose.. but still, it seems that there's still not much trust or perhaps some strain in their relationship..

first my mum "nagged" and now today's my dad's turn.. i just ignored them.. each time, i put the blame to my mum.. who ask her to control until so strict last time.. now want, also dun have.. even then, i am 100% she has her own thinking and criteria of how the guy should be.. i get irritated whenever they start on the topic.. first, i never am comfortable with discussing it with them.. second, they think guys just drop from the sky.. third, i just have the feeling that they will disapprove of the person i'm with.. dun ask me why i think this way.. i prob have my reason.. and yes i know, u all have been asking me to mix around, take initiative.. i do mix around, i do take the initiative to talk when necessary.. i'm not like that last time, but i've since changed.. even then, things are not happening.. u know, maybe that tao hua yun is long passed.. it's too late for anything now..

i feel like exploding right now.. there's something i feel like saying but i juz can't.. i need to get it out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! driving me nuts! can't believe it...

my new pink nike trainers!!!

2010-08-21T18:34:00.003+08:00

mission accomplished!! they have at least 3 designs/ colours i like!! but i chose this cos it was on offer.. after additional 20% discount, i paid $79.90.. not that cheap but the black pair of trainers i wanted cost $99.90!! both juz as nice lah.. anyway, since i only wear sports shoes for kb, i guess it's ok for me to get a brighter coloured one.. :) my instructor recently also bought a pair of pink nike trainers! i think it's either the same shade of pink as mine or slightly brighter.. haha.. and guess what? i have a pair of pink exercise shorts (same shade!) to go with tmy new shoes.. hahaha..

went to get sugar from cold storage and sushi for my ultra late lunch (4pm)..

and now is almost 7pm! why does the time on sat alwiz zOOm pass so fast?????

still sick..

2010-08-21T11:12:00.002+08:00

haven't recover.. but thankfully, it's the weekend!

i suddenly got the mood to bake and to shop.. i wanna go city plaza to shop!!!!!!!!! think there are a lot of treasures there.. caught an episode of budget barbie.. and they got really cheap finds at that place.. well, the last time i was there, i didn't manage to buy anything cheap.. i bought 2 tops, each for $39 and one dress.. the dress was pretty cheap... i think it was $49 or $59.. but dress leh! so for less than $60, i think it's worth.. it came with an elastic belt too.. i know i should be saving money but suddenly, my shopping mood is back! i haven't had this mood for many many months! prob a year even.. eePZ.. and now, juz feel like shopppppppppppppping.. ahaha.. but i'm juz lazy to get out of the house.. well.. we'll see how it goes.. i'll prob bake my cake first then see how.. :)

yesterday, one of my ex-bosses invited her subordinates to her condo.. i think it's kinda like an "open-house" cum celebration.. cos she got promoted to be a director.. that's her ambition and she has attained it! congrats to her.. i wasn't invited so i kinda felt left out.. well.. anyway, that's the way things go.. besides the current group of pple still working with the company, she did also invite those who left about a month ago.. i left in jan.. prob she didn't think of me.. she used to be quite nice to me.. well.. what the heck.. lucky she didn't invite me too... else last min i didn't go (sick mah..) also not v nice.. somemore, her condo is ALL the way in the east.. :P i sound like sour grapes ya.. hehe..

hope i recover sooooooooooooooooooooon....

sick...

2010-08-16T20:24:00.002+08:00

i think i really old liao.. national day weekend was really fulfilling.. last weekend wasn't that exciting but i went out for hotpot dinner with 3 of my ex-colleagues and we stayed till after 12am! i went to bed at almost 2am and woke up at 9am the next day.. not enough sleep..

woke up feeling weird today.. then nose start to leak.. sian..

leaking whole day.. now in sweater.. prob take a flu tablet later.. sian..

feeling miserable..

the pro of being a worrier...

2010-08-15T01:12:00.002+08:00

the one positive point of being a worry-freak is when the actual situation turns out better than expected..

i was initially sian about dinner but turns out, i enjoyed it... i didn't feel as uncomfortable or awkward as i expected.. we even had stayed in starbucks till the place closed.. i was stoning a little by that time though cos i woke up damn early.. now is almost 1.30AM!!! juz about 5 and the half more hours later and i will be awake for 24 hours liaoz.. GOODNESS!

friday's dinner was filling.. sat's dinner was explodingly full! i think i could have puked if i wanted to.. OMG.. confirm grow fat.. i hope i dun have nightmares tonight..

!!!

2010-08-14T08:05:00.002+08:00

bloody hell.. woke up at about 6.45am today! tossed and turned till about 7.15am, then it's like GOOD MORNING! i can't get back to sleep! on weekdays, i would still feel sleepy at this time but it's the weekend and somehow or other, i'm wide awake now! and it's 8.06am only!! then i thought of baking.. but! i dun have enough cocoa powder.. :/

meeting some of my ex-colleagues for dinner later.. one of whom i'm closer to but the other 2 pple she called, i dun really click with them.. jialat.. was initially looking fwd to dinner but now.. a bit sian liaoz..

well anyway, it's the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yippee! hope to do some shopping before meeting the group tonight.. :P i'm so sick of what i wear to work.. hope i can get some good finds later.. :)

not good...

2010-08-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

i didn't dream so much last time.. but recently, i dream a lot in my sleep.. one after another.. juz a couple of days ago.. dreamt that my ex-boss quit the job.. :S omG.. i dunno what's happening.. i feel tired when i wake up.. i dun usually laze in bed but now i do.. and weekend, i wake up early too.. i can't go back to sleep..

kena from C recently.. told me that A was bugging about the new PC.. i was the one who submitted the PC requisition form to the IT side and only a month later with C "reminding" me about it, i went to enquire about its status.. and guess what.. i think the IT side lost the original copy of the form!! i scanned the photocopy of the form to them and then they tell me they need the approval from higher level (my boss's boss) cos it's unbudgeted.. KNS.. to be frank, i didn't dare call to bug pple about the status.. and also, i thought there was no hurry.. so i didn't chase too.. i'm not lazy.. i'm juz scared.. i dun wanna be that irritating newcomer who knows nothing and keep bugging pple about things.. but well, end up, i suffer.. i believe C and A dun have a good impression on me now... damn..

i'm definitely not enjoying my job.. comparing this with my previous job, the environment sucks..

u know.. sometimes i think i'm a little mentally unsound.. i think i will be worse if i keep worrying and thinking non-stop.. but i just can't help myself!!! argh..

as u can tell, today is definitely not a good day for me.. i hope tomorrow and every other day that follows will be better days.. i'm so uninspired.. sigh..